Rocks in a River

When I was in my deepest depth of despair over the end of my eleven year relationship (coupled with not being able to run and having health issues) I was listening to/reading/seeing the message that adversity fuels success in various media. At the time I made a note of it but continued feeling sad and not really believing that it could be true. Now that I’ve had time to process and heal, I can see this coming true in my life.

I’ve always harbored a secret passion for writing and desire to be an author. I was never sure of what, but I knew that writing felt good and fulfilling. As I’ve written more on this blog and my work blog I’ve received amazing feedback from colleagues, friends, family, and internet strangers. I wrote poetry occasionally in my youth, and when I was grieving my loss I started writing poetry again. The first few poems I wrote were full of sadness, and they have evolved as I have moved through my healing journey.

Now that they’ve started coming, they won’t stop. I find myself getting struck by a word or a turn of phrase several times each day. I make note of them or stop and write a poem when they come. I read “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield this morning (yes, just in this morning. It’s a short book and I read while I cycle at the gym). I’d heard a lot of laudatory praise about it and I thought it was great if not quite as impressive as I’d expected.

After reading the book I’m convinced that I need to continue to pursue writing and make it a daily effort. I need to embrace the muse that is visiting me daily, thank her, and do the best work I can. I don’t know that I would have been able to do this without experiencing a great loss, and without being forced to spend time with myself. I feel like I’m discovering new parts of myself and have had the freedom to visit some old parts that had been hidden.

New me, new shirt. It says let your dreams set sail.

I’m starting to honor myself and treat myself to new experiences. I am putting myself in new situations and embracing the inherent awkwardness. I am still struck by sadness every now and then, but this week I’ve felt happier than I have in years. I started a blog with my poetry and photography. I hope to fill it with more writing and art.

The point of this post is to say that we never know where our lives will take us. We are like rocks in a river. We may get stuck in place for months or years, but new experiences will keep moving us along. We’ll retain our integrity but may change shape. We can’t go back to the past or know what the future holds, but we can embrace where we are on our journey.