I'm still here

Things are never clear or obvious, but as you can tell, I took a break from the blog for quite some time. In retrospect, the hiatus was building for a long time. I probably should have stopped sooner, and left some of my dirty laundry hidden. I went through a period of rigidity with my eating and exercise habits that was on the extreme side of healthy, as in, not so healthy. Then after my work conference in Las Vegas I let myself swing in the opposite direction. I have learned quite a bit about myself in almost thirty years, and even more so during this recent period of upheaval.

Last bits of debauchery

I am really good at latching on to something and doing it to the fullest. I am good at making myself do things that I perceive as being the right thing to do, even when they aren’t fun or comfortable. For the last few months I’ve been going out almost every night, drinking more alcohol than normal, not paying as much attention to what I eat and forcing myself to run on very little sleep in order to get in a workout. I’ve noticed my workouts aren’t doing much, and feel more difficult than they should.

This weekend my roommate and I went to Key Largo for a snorkeling trip, and I mentally marked it as my last hurrah before getting back to what feels right for me. I am working now on finding that balance between extremes. It’s been great to spend so much time busy and meeting people, and I’d like to continue that but at a less frenetic pace. I’m going to cut out the alcohol again. I can see the immediate impact it has on my physical form, and I can find better ways to alter my mood (i.e. good friends, music, moving my body, laughter, etc.).

I am learning to treat physical activities other than cycling/running and lifting weights as good enough exercise. I’m trying to do more outdoor things and have been kayaking three times since I got back from Vegas. I joined a softball team. I’ve never played before but I think it will be a good way to be active and social at the same time. I’m not officially on the team, but they’re letting me hang out and learn the game which is good enough for now.

I developed some new eating habits that I need to curtail, like adding granola to every smoothie instead of just the ones I make after long endurance workouts. I’ve been snacking a lot more, and on foods that aren’t the best choice. I’ve been eating out almost every night, and that’s probably the most radical deviation from my norm. I have my dog for the next two weeks, so it works out well to start cooking at home again regularly.

I don’t know what will happen with this blog. I like the idea of sharing my story and struggles, so I’d like to keep it up. I am doing  a lot of good poetry writing and might have some big work changes on the horizon so no promises, but know that I am still out here doing my best to live a healthy and fun life.